I got an email about yesterday's blog post.  I won't post it here, because it's "her" story, but I might if she gives me permission.  But, here is my response.

The last couple of months for me have been difficult because it started with her Speech Eval and I turned it into something bigger than it should have been.  It in a way, it was my moment of weakness and I completely indulged into feeling sorry for myself.  Like I mentioned, I took the Prozac, but that only lasted for a week, because I knew better.  I knew that there could be far worse possible things and I knew that somewhere down the line someone would tell me that Lillian will be/is behind in this that or another.  In a way, I had to "mom up"...kinda like man up about things!  I don't want to be dependent on medication to make me happy or feel better about things.  I didn't use my resources first.  Why?  Because I didn't open up!  I have to learn to do that more often.

My resources would have been my local Ds group, online support group, my blogging friends, and even Facebook (which is a combo of the previous 3!).

Twice since Lillian's birth, someone who has suffered a greater loss than I, has proven to me that my life ain't all that bad.  And you're right, it could have been worse.

And I think what you said hit the nail on the wall..."Hang in there and always let your faith carry you through those difficult times :)"  Because I didn't let my faith carry me.  I try to take it all on by myself!  

Thank you again so much!  I hope you keep me in your prayers as I will for you and your family!  And maybe, I'll need you again to shake me up a bit and have you tell me to "mom" up!  Because I sure I would need it!

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Here is more.

Prozac.  Is it a cure all?  I don't know.  But since this last experience, I just wondered how many times a person is given Prozac as an answer to their problems.  Yeah, I was a little down.  But I wasn't out, you know.  I really just needed a shoulder to cry on and for someone to tell me it's OK.

Indeed, there are times when it is good.  I mean, without it in my past, my family may not be intact!  Real and true depression is very scary!  I've been there.  But, this, what I'm going through now is not.

I really think that us mom's (and dad's) should learn to utilize ourselves more!  I'm giving myself my own advice, hoping that it will help someone else!!!  USE ME, USE YOUR SUPPORT GROUP, USE YOUR ONLINE GROUP...but use someone!  I mean, this is the best kind of people "using" there is.  I'm going to start using you guys more often...just warning you now!

I wish I shared my unhappiness earlier.  But, I'm working through it now.  I may not be over the hill yet, but I'm definitely seeing the top!

Alas...there is still more thoughts on this matter!

For the longest time, I have thought about this subject and just didn't know where to begin!  I am, for the most part, a happy person.  I tend to look on the brighter side of things...but sometimes I get caught up in the moment too.

My blog has been very bleak since October, and there is a really good reason why!  I was lost.  Not at a lost for words, but really at a lost in personality.  I lost the ability to smile for a bit and to see the brighter side.  But, like I said only for a bit.

So, today's subject might be a little difficult (for me), but I have to realize that I am not the only person who ever felt lost! Right?

In October, my Monkey Girl...Lillian, had her very first Speech Evaluation!  Now, I know, she has delays.  But this one just punched me in the face.  At 20 months, her Speech Evaluation indicated that she was communicating at a 9 - 12 month age range.  Physically, she is as strong as can be!  She's super smart and just so darn cute!  Her babbling just wasn't getting her anywhere.  Her signing was at a minimal.  She communicated by being loud or physically taking the stuff she wanted.

But let me go back...I was punched in the face!  I didn't want to cry, so I just sat.  Crying might have been better, because keeping it in hurt more.

During this time, I had my own evaluation with my doctor.  I checked out OK, but mentally that is where I broke down.  I cried for the first time.  My doctor listened, held my hand and gave me some tissue.  Her answer was Prozac.  Prozac!

I've been on Prozac before.  After the birth of Charlie, I needed it!  Post Partum Depression is no joke!

But, did I really need it this time?  I wasn't so sure.

My biggest problem was now being honest with everyone.  I mean, I'm the one who tells people to get over it, and it will get better.  I really really needed that for myself.  So, after my doctor's visit, I had to make this decision to either stay lost or to get over it and move forward.

I took the Prozac, slowly getting over, but I'm definitely moving forward...what more can I do?

Well, I wish my thoughts ended here.  I have more to say.  They will come later.