Lillian in her room...a few days before birth
Lillian 8lbs 14 oz
At this point, I still had no idea what was going on. I thought she was perfect. It wasn't until I was in recovery that I was told they suspected her of having Down Syndrome. Bobby was the one who told me first.
This is a pic of me holding Lillian for the first time. I held her for five minutes until they flew her to another town that had a NICU. Lillian has a VSD, but what kept her in NICU was her Upper Pulmonary Hypertension. I was still confused about the Down Syndrome. I kept asking what did I do wrong? Bobby explained to me that it was nothing that I did. The pediatrician there had a good two hours with him while I was still in surgery. They gave him a brief rundown of their suspsions of Lillian have D.S. and why.
Lillian being prepared for flight
Here is Lillian right after Bobby met her at the NICU at Madigan Army Medical Center.
Look Ma...I'm getting better!
Because Naval Hospital Bremerton did not have a NICU, Lillian had to be flown to Madigan Army Medical Center, which is 55 miles away. My mom who was with me at this time went back home with Bobby to get the kids and my sister to drive to MAMC to see Lillian and speak with the doctors there for further detail. Because I was still recovering from the c-section I wasn't able to go. It was very emotional for me at that time. I remember feeling angry and disbelief. Then there was pity and self doubt. I questioned GOD, asking him why me? GOD why...what did I do so wrong?
Looking back, I know why it was me. I was meant for Lillian. Lillian chose me because she knew that I would be the best at taking care of her and Love her unconditionally. She knew that I was able to see past the diagnosis and see the baby and person she would grow up to be. She knew that her daddy would protect her and love her for all that she is. Lillian knew that her brother and sister would adore her and love on her like every baby sister should.
I thank GOD every day for letting Lillian choose me.
Very nice, Lillian most certainly chose you and your family.
ReplyDeleteHow lucky you are to receive such a wonderful gift:0)
ReplyDeleteAw, she looks so sweet! I'm glad she's doing better. She sure is a cutie!!!
ReplyDeleteI came across your blog through BabyCenter.com and after reading about your Lillian, I realized our stories are similar. My son, Bobby, was born on April 20, my birthday, via cesarean and like you, I thought he was perfect. We knew going into labor that he had a VSD, so we were fortunate that he was born at Duke University Hospital, which is known for its cardiac care. They were prepared for his cardiac care, and like you, I was told in recovery that they suspected he had Down Syndrome. I had an AFP test done when I was about 4 1/2 months pregnant and it came back stating there was a possibility the baby had Downs, but those tests also have a HIGH false positive rate and we were hoping it was wrong. I refused to do an amnio, so when they told us he had Downs, it felt like our world crashed down on us. We were "prepared" for the VSD and the surgery(s) he would require, but we were not as prepared for the Downs.
ReplyDeleteWe were discharged from the hospital when he was a month old after having surgery to place a shunt on his heart that will give him time to grow and get old enough for the big open heart surgery to repair the VSD.
Like you, we struggled with why our son was born with these challenges and we realized, it was because God entrusted us to take care of his special blessing. God has a purpose for all of us and my purpose is to be Bobby's mommy. I have always wanted to be a mommy and here I am, the most special mommy you can be. I was meant to be this little guy's mommy.
God has a purpose for my son, as well and it is for us to know and learn from him in time as to what that purpose is.
Thank you for sharing your story and God Bless!
Charlotte
nimbs2k@hotmail.com