Lillian in her room...a few days before birth
Lillian 8lbs 14 oz
At this point, I still had no idea what was going on. I thought she was perfect. It wasn't until I was in recovery that I was told they suspected her of having Down Syndrome. Bobby was the one who told me first.
This is a pic of me holding Lillian for the first time. I held her for five minutes until they flew her to another town that had a NICU. Lillian has a VSD, but what kept her in NICU was her Upper Pulmonary Hypertension. I was still confused about the Down Syndrome. I kept asking what did I do wrong? Bobby explained to me that it was nothing that I did. The pediatrician there had a good two hours with him while I was still in surgery. They gave him a brief rundown of their suspsions of Lillian have D.S. and why.
Lillian being prepared for flight
Here is Lillian right after Bobby met her at the NICU at Madigan Army Medical Center.
Look Ma...I'm getting better!
Because Naval Hospital Bremerton did not have a NICU, Lillian had to be flown to Madigan Army Medical Center, which is 55 miles away. My mom who was with me at this time went back home with Bobby to get the kids and my sister to drive to MAMC to see Lillian and speak with the doctors there for further detail. Because I was still recovering from the c-section I wasn't able to go. It was very emotional for me at that time. I remember feeling angry and disbelief. Then there was pity and self doubt. I questioned GOD, asking him why me? GOD why...what did I do so wrong?
Looking back, I know why it was me. I was meant for Lillian. Lillian chose me because she knew that I would be the best at taking care of her and Love her unconditionally. She knew that I was able to see past the diagnosis and see the baby and person she would grow up to be. She knew that her daddy would protect her and love her for all that she is. Lillian knew that her brother and sister would adore her and love on her like every baby sister should.
I thank GOD every day for letting Lillian choose me.
