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January 16, 2009

I cried

I've been meaning to share this story for a while now, but just haven't gotten to it yet until now.  

A few weeks ago Bobby and I were watching t.v.  We were watching this show about this lawyer who sees things in the future.  It's a pretty good show to watch.  Well, one of the main characters is pregnant.  She too is a lawyer and maybe just a few years older than I.  I believe she is midway through her pregnancy and she and the significant other go see the OB Doc.  The Doc s proceeds to tell them that her blood work shows a high level of protein, possibility of some sort of chromosome disorder, something like Down Syndrome.  This gets my attention of course!  In my heart and in my head I was wishing that she was carrying a baby with Down Syndrome.  So, it goes on and the emotional tears and self doubt starts to happen.  She and the significant other don't agree with the testing, but she needs to know.  So, she goes ahead and gets it done.  At the end, they are together when she gets the results.  At this point,  I'm keeping all my fingers crossed and holding my breath.  No, it didn't happen.  Her results came back and her baby  does not have Down Syndrome or anything else.  She is carrying a very typical growing baby and she is crying.  I am crying.  However,  I'm pretty sure my tears were not for the same reason as hers.

See, I was just hoping that she was carrying a baby with Down Syndrome because I thought it would be so finally have a show that I could identify with.  I almost felt rejected, like it wasn't OK to have a baby with Down syndrome.  I cried so hard.  My husband hugged me, I think he knew what I wanted.  I take that back, he did know what I wanted.  For a few brief moments, I cried a good cry.  My emotions just took over.  

I truly thought I was done with the grieving.  I do love my daughter.  I love her tons.  In fact, I often don't even think about the fact that she has Down Syndrome.  I just felt rejected and it hurt.


  1. I think, no I know I would of been crying too! That would of been so cool to have a show focus on Down syndrome outcome...I know in today's society it will come...there is so much more awareness and acceptance, so maybe with some more time! We should all contact CBS, NBC, or Discovery Channel and let them know of this idea! Nobody truly understands the beauty of these children unless you have them in your lives...I have to admit, I didn't know anything about DS until I was diagnosed prenatally, and I feel like my whole life was robbed for not knowing about DS much sooner in life! They are the most beautiful and amazing beings! THanks for posting your thoughts, as I was reading I was so hoping for a different outcome of the show as well...Society HOPEFULLY will get there with the results being FINE either way!

  2. ((HUGS)) I would've cried too.



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