Different

Am I that different?

I mean in my way of thinking?  Am I really that different?  Did I miss something here?

Now, I spend a lot of time reading blogs (more than I should) and the majority of those blogs are Ds related.  But I realized that something is different about me.  I don't ...rarely...feel bad or down or whatever about Lil having Ds.  I seem to not even think about it really.

BUT...I'm pretty sure I know why.  

When I was pregnant with Lil, the ship that Bobby was stationed on was leaving Italy and heading to Washington State.  During that period of time, the spouses from the ship would get together with the kids and do "stuff" and prepare for the ship's return to the United States.  There was one lady there that I noticed was pregnant and looked to be due around the same time as me.

She was glowing and just super happy!  She and her husband were in their early 30's and expecting their first child.  The happiness just spilled from her!  I think I was jealous because I was just so tired...

We both lived on the same base and around the corner from each other.  We never really planned on meeting each other but we would run into each and talk about our bellies!

Time went by.  I had Lillian.

At Lillian's 2 month visit, I ran into her at the hospital.  The first thing out of my mouth was "Where's your baby!"....see this is the life changing moment for me.  Because before this moment ever happened, I was still struggling a little, not so much, but just a little with Lillian's diagnosis of Ds.

Her baby was gone.  The baby didn't make it.  Details are not needed here, she didn't have her baby in her arms.  At that moment we stood in the middle of the hospital floor crying and holding each other.  I missed Lillian's appointment, but I think they understood.  I think anyone who walked by understood.  My heart was broken and my sorrow escaped through the cracks.  It was a moment that will forever be in me.

At that moment was when I felt great pain and at the same time such happiness.  Is that weird?  I felt happiness because I still had my baby and she was healthy and I was able to hold her every day and every night.  But, so much pain because my friend, an acquaintance, wouldn't feel that.

So, yeah, I guess I'll admit to being different. 

Lil is just Lil.  The baby of the family.  A great sleeper.  The loud mouth.  And when we have her therapies, there is nothing more to that than just her therapies.  See, she is in training to be my sidekick!  So, we have to make sure we develop those abilities of hers!