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January 11, 2010

For the longest time, I have thought about this subject and just didn't know where to begin!  I am, for the most part, a happy person.  I tend to look on the brighter side of things...but sometimes I get caught up in the moment too.

My blog has been very bleak since October, and there is a really good reason why!  I was lost.  Not at a lost for words, but really at a lost in personality.  I lost the ability to smile for a bit and to see the brighter side.  But, like I said only for a bit.

So, today's subject might be a little difficult (for me), but I have to realize that I am not the only person who ever felt lost! Right?

In October, my Monkey Girl...Lillian, had her very first Speech Evaluation!  Now, I know, she has delays.  But this one just punched me in the face.  At 20 months, her Speech Evaluation indicated that she was communicating at a 9 - 12 month age range.  Physically, she is as strong as can be!  She's super smart and just so darn cute!  Her babbling just wasn't getting her anywhere.  Her signing was at a minimal.  She communicated by being loud or physically taking the stuff she wanted.

But let me go back...I was punched in the face!  I didn't want to cry, so I just sat.  Crying might have been better, because keeping it in hurt more.

During this time, I had my own evaluation with my doctor.  I checked out OK, but mentally that is where I broke down.  I cried for the first time.  My doctor listened, held my hand and gave me some tissue.  Her answer was Prozac.  Prozac!

I've been on Prozac before.  After the birth of Charlie, I needed it!  Post Partum Depression is no joke!

But, did I really need it this time?  I wasn't so sure.

My biggest problem was now being honest with everyone.  I mean, I'm the one who tells people to get over it, and it will get better.  I really really needed that for myself.  So, after my doctor's visit, I had to make this decision to either stay lost or to get over it and move forward.

I took the Prozac, slowly getting over, but I'm definitely moving forward...what more can I do?

Well, I wish my thoughts ended here.  I have more to say.  They will come later.


  1. I'll be here, waiting to hear whatever you have to share. It's such a journey, parenting, and then add in parenting a child with a disability. Some days/months are harder than others. Just please know that you're not alone. So many more people either are in the same place or have been and we're here to support you.

  2. Sonia, I was wondering why you had not posted in so long. Babe, I had NO IDEA! Those numbers are NUMBERS-just a calculation. Lillian is moving forward, she is thriving. She will talk when she is ready and in the meantime, take care of you too. Blow some bubbles and just enjoy the shimmering sights about you. I wish I could give you a big hug!

  3. I too, wish I could give you a big hug...might be a little awkward seeing as how we have never met outside of blogger-land :) haha. For what it is worth, I have missed your blogs and hearing your words. I hope the prescription, along with the medicine that comes from the love and counsel of friends, helps heal what needs healing.

  4. Can I just tell you that we have had issues with my Emma and we had her Speech evaluated at two years and they placed her so low that I thought she would NEVER communicate. Well guess what? She is six and doing fine. Yes, it took her longer, but she got there. All children are different and your little angel will speak. She is smart and strong and has a father in heaven who has great plans for her and you. In the name of Jesus I bind all that comes against your mind and spirit in this area. I bind any spirit of fear, any spirit of depression and any spirit of doubt that has infultrated your heart. You are a child of the most high God. You are a jewel in His crown. You are His treasured possession. He knows the number of hairs on your head and the plans that he has for you are good. Amen. I love you and will keep you and your baby in my prayers. This is simply an attack. You are an overcomer.

  5. This is Joyce. Thank you so much for sharing. You are not alone. I think all of us in the Ds community have periods of time when a realization hits us like a ton of bricks. I too have a similiar post going up on Friday - my 50th birthday - that talks about my current situation with Sarah and how I wasn't as prepared for it as I thought. I think you did the right thing by seeking help and sharing. Hugs coming your way.

  6. It's OK to be sad at times or frustrated. I really hate those evaluations because they compare the wrong groups of kids. I think it would be more helpful to know how our kids range among a huge group of kids who have Ds. But then again, all the kids I know have abilities and strengths in different areas. My John Michael is 26 months old and recently tested very high in all areas except language. It bummed me a bit... but I know it will come. Everything we read and hear is that speech/language takes the longest... between ages 3 and 4. So... try not to worry so much about those numbers. They're only done so that her services will continue... not to make you feel bad. You can request that the numbers not be made available on your reports if it's better for you. Reaching out like you're doing and asking for support is the best thing. Keep it up and you'll receive the right words at the right time. It sounds like you're a strong woman and, while Prozac may be a temporary fix, you'll hopefully gain strength from the Ds community. Prayers for you!

  7. Sonia-

    For some reason I just saw this. I wish I would have seen it earlier.

    Cody's eval at about 18 months was just the same as Lillian's, he was about 9 months at the time. He exceled in all other categories (especially socially - he is my little social butterfly after all LOL) so I was shocked about the delay in speech.

    Oddly, it didn't worry me. Maybe because I remembered that when DJ started really talking (at a little over 2 years old so he was slightly delayed), he never stopped. I shamefully enjoyed the quietness. =) He was learning signs and able to communicate and that was more important than actual speech since that was just going to come with time.

    I guess what I am trying to say is that a speech delay doesn't alter her ability to progess. It just means everyone around her needs to prompt her a little more. What helped for us was narrating everything I did. And associating what signs I knew with what I was narrating. Once he was able to hear me better (after ear tubes) he started mimicking what I was saying. He is still delayed, but that's okay. He's come so far in just a year. Lillian will do the same!!!

    If you need a shoulder to lean on I AM HERE!!! I am only a hop, skip and jump away from you!!!!



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