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January 12, 2010

I got an email about yesterday's blog post.  I won't post it here, because it's "her" story, but I might if she gives me permission.  But, here is my response.

The last couple of months for me have been difficult because it started with her Speech Eval and I turned it into something bigger than it should have been.  It in a way, it was my moment of weakness and I completely indulged into feeling sorry for myself.  Like I mentioned, I took the Prozac, but that only lasted for a week, because I knew better.  I knew that there could be far worse possible things and I knew that somewhere down the line someone would tell me that Lillian will be/is behind in this that or another.  In a way, I had to "mom up"...kinda like man up about things!  I don't want to be dependent on medication to make me happy or feel better about things.  I didn't use my resources first.  Why?  Because I didn't open up!  I have to learn to do that more often.

My resources would have been my local Ds group, online support group, my blogging friends, and even Facebook (which is a combo of the previous 3!).

Twice since Lillian's birth, someone who has suffered a greater loss than I, has proven to me that my life ain't all that bad.  And you're right, it could have been worse.

And I think what you said hit the nail on the wall..."Hang in there and always let your faith carry you through those difficult times :)"  Because I didn't let my faith carry me.  I try to take it all on by myself!  

Thank you again so much!  I hope you keep me in your prayers as I will for you and your family!  And maybe, I'll need you again to shake me up a bit and have you tell me to "mom" up!  Because I sure I would need it!


Here is more.

Prozac.  Is it a cure all?  I don't know.  But since this last experience, I just wondered how many times a person is given Prozac as an answer to their problems.  Yeah, I was a little down.  But I wasn't out, you know.  I really just needed a shoulder to cry on and for someone to tell me it's OK.

Indeed, there are times when it is good.  I mean, without it in my past, my family may not be intact!  Real and true depression is very scary!  I've been there.  But, this, what I'm going through now is not.

I really think that us mom's (and dad's) should learn to utilize ourselves more!  I'm giving myself my own advice, hoping that it will help someone else!!!  USE ME, USE YOUR SUPPORT GROUP, USE YOUR ONLINE GROUP...but use someone!  I mean, this is the best kind of people "using" there is.  I'm going to start using you guys more often...just warning you now!

I wish I shared my unhappiness earlier.  But, I'm working through it now.  I may not be over the hill yet, but I'm definitely seeing the top!

Alas...there is still more thoughts on this matter!


  1. (((Sonia))) I know it can be hard sometimes. Good for you for speaking out and reaching out! Feel free to use me whenever you need to!

  2. Thanks for sharing your story Sonia and for being brave enough to ask for help when you need it :) You inspire us all!

  3. Sonia, I'm sad you've been sad, but good for you for addressing it which must surely mean you're on the mend.

    Fortunately everything's a little vaguer here in Switzerland - i have no idea how my girl's doing in terms of where she 'ought' to be, where she is or where she will be developmentally, and that's the way I like it. We do have evals; in fact the next speech one is next week, but these are a tool to ascertain whether further therapy is required, rather than to scare the pants off the parents.

    All I know is that my girl's moving forward, as is yours, that she's bright, that she's interested and motivated, I'm fairly confident I'm doing all that I can, and I'm certain that one day she'll get there (although secretly I hope the walking part comes soon as my back is breaking!)

    Know only that as I sit here in snowy Switzerland, I think of you and your family often, and whenever I am having a personal pity party, I hold you up as an example of how it should be done and take courage from knowing you are out there in my internet family - go girl, you're an inspiration!

  4. Sorry to hear that you are sad and having a hard time. I definately miss your posts. We all go through things and need our time to get back on track or back to ourselves. How great of you to share this with everyone. In regards to Wysdom he is behind greatly in all of his motor skills and sometimes I get a twinge of sadness, but for the most part I just let it go. I don't know if that is because he is a busy guy medically and we are busy with that aspect of his life first or if it just doesn't bother me. Well let me tell ya his feeding is another issue. Anywasy hang in there kiddo. I am sure your little one is doing great where she is at and will get there. Maybe ask them not to give you the evaluation like that. My therapist never mention ages and where he is at. Ask them to just focus on the positive and what the next steps should be. That way it puts a positive spin on things and not such a negative tone. Hang in there. Hugs.

  5. the fact that you considered to take the medication shows you're human. the fact that you stop using it right away proves that you're a saint. Stay strong, pray harder!

  6. I think it is normal for moms (with special needs children and without) to feel down when our kids are defined as less than "average". I'm still trying to figure out by what standards they define "average".

    Thanks for sharing your experience with us. I'm like you and internalize a lot of my feelings, but am trying not to because I know there are others out there that are going through the same thing. So, thanks for sharing what you are going through. I am sure it will help someone out!!!



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